Monday, March 18, 2013

A litte info on Bipolar Type 1

In bipolar disorder, people experience abnormally elevated (manic or hypomanic) mood states which interfere with the functions of ordinary life. Many people with bipolar disorder also experience periods of depressed mood, but this is not universal. There is no simple physiological test to confirm the disorder. Diagnosing bipolar disorder is often difficult, even for mental health professionals. In particular, it can be difficult to distinguish depression caused by bipolar disorder from pure unipolar depression.
The younger the age of onset, the more likely the first few episodes are to be depressive.[1] Because a bipolar diagnosis requires a manic or hypomanic episode, many patients are initially diagnosed and treated as having major depression.[2]

Manic episodes

Mania is the defining feature of bipolar disorder. Mania is a distinct period of elevated or irritable mood, which can take the form of euphoria, and lasts for at least a week (less if hospitalization is required).[3] People with mania commonly experience an increase in energy and a decreased need for sleep, with many often getting as little as three or four hours of sleep per night. Some can go days without sleeping.[4] A manic person may exhibit pressured speech, with thoughts experienced as racing.[5] Attention span is low, and a person in a manic state may be easily distracted. Judgment may be impaired, and sufferers may go on spending sprees or engage in risky behavior that is not normal for them. They may indulge in substance abuse, particularly alcohol or other depressants, cocaine or other stimulants, or sleeping pills. Their behavior may become aggressive, intolerant, or intrusive. They may feel out of control or unstoppable, or as if they have been "chosen" and are "on a special mission", or have other grandiose or delusional ideas. Sexual drive may increase. At more extreme levels, a person in a manic state can experience psychosis, or a break with reality, where thinking is affected along with mood.[6] This can occasionally lead to violent behaviors. [7] Some people in a manic state experience severe anxiety and are irritable (to the point of rage), while others are euphoric and grandiose. The severity of manic symptoms can be measured by rating scales such as the Altman Self-Rating Mania Scale[8] and clinician-based Young Mania Rating Scale.[9][10]
The onset of a manic episode is often foreshadowed by sleep disturbances. Mood changes, psychomotor and appetite changes, and an increase in anxiety can also occur up to three weeks before a manic episode develops.[11]

Hypomanic episodes

Hypomania is a mild to moderate level of elevated mood, characterized by optimism, pressure of speech and activity, and decreased need for sleep. Generally, hypomania does not inhibit functioning as mania does.[12] Many people with hypomania are actually more productive than usual, while manic individuals have difficulty completing tasks due to a shortened attention span. Some hypomanic people show increased creativity, although others demonstrate poor judgment and irritability. Many experience hypersexuality. Hypomanic people generally have increased energy and increased activity levels. They do not, however, have delusions or hallucinations.
Hypomania may feel good to the person who experiences it. Thus, even when family and friends recognize mood swings, the individual often will deny that anything is wrong.[13] What might be called a "hypomanic event", if not accompanied by depressive episodes, is often not deemed as problematic, unless the mood changes are uncontrollable, volatile or mercurial. If left untreated, an episode of hypomania can last anywhere from a few days to several years. Most commonly, symptoms continue for a few weeks to a few months.[14]

Depressive episodes

Signs and symptoms of the depressive phase of bipolar disorder include persistent feelings of sadness, anxiety, guilt, anger, isolation, or hopelessness; disturbances in sleep and appetite; fatigue and loss of interest in usually enjoyable activities; problems concentrating; loneliness, self-loathing, apathy or indifference; depersonalization; loss of interest in sexual activity; shyness or social anxiety; irritability, chronic pain (with or without a known cause); lack of motivation; and morbid suicidal thoughts. In severe cases, the individual may become psychotic, a condition also known as severe bipolar depression with psychotic features. These symptoms include delusions or, less commonly, hallucinations, usually unpleasant. A major depressive episode persists for at least two weeks, and may continue for over six months if left untreated.[15]

Mixed affective episodes

In the context of bipolar disorder, a mixed state is a condition during which symptoms of mania and depression occur simultaneously. Typical examples include weeping during a manic episode or racing thoughts during a depressive episode. Individuals may also feel very frustrated in this state, for example thinking grandiose thoughts while at the same time feeling like a failure. Mixed states are often the most dangerous period of mood disorders, during which the risks of substance abuse, panic disorder, suicide attempts, and other complications increase greatly.[16]

Associated features

Associated features are clinical phenomena that often accompany the disorder but are not part of the diagnostic criteria. In adults with the condition, bipolar disorder is often accompanied by changes in cognitive processes and abilities. These include reduced attentional and executive capabilities and impaired memory. How the individual processes the world also depends on the phase of the disorder, with differential characteristics between the manic, hypomanic and depressive states.[11] Some studies have found a significant association between bipolar disorder and creativity.[17] Some patients may have difficulty in maintaining relationships.[18]
There are several common childhood precursors seen in children who later receive a diagnosis of bipolar disorder. These include mood abnormalities, full major depressive episodes, and ADHD.[19]

A little of the crazy

Well, its another day. I have Lily again over night. Luckily right now, Mia is asleep lol
But I just thought I would explain a little about my disorder.
I have bipolar type one. I take medication for it. I have manic states, highs and lows. Every day is a new battle. With myself and my emotions. Now, doing all this with 3+ kids in the house can sometimes be challenging. But since I have been doing this since Iwas 19 I think I have mastered the art of child care.. not going to lie and say that I never want to pull my hair out because that is far from the truth. I have just learned how to manage my angry with the children in new ways. Like pepsi.. that calms me down for some reason. Im not sure why. I use to smoke ciggarettes but I quite that nasty ass habit. I only smoke when I drink which is like once or twice a month.. thats only if I am working the event for the goth club.
But anywho. lol
Back on subject. I take a very strong mood stabilizer call Lamictal. I take a low does but it is soon to go up in doesage because you body will get use to it and them have to go up.. just the way it works sadly. But, It did not complicate my pregnancies. I however had to under alot of testing being on such medication. And I had to be watched for post partum depression. It is always a hard time having a new baby (no matter how many you have already). And being bipolar just makes it harder. What helps me is I have a routine. It is also good for the kids.
I grew up in the home of a hoarder. My mother and I lived in a small trailer, with to many animals, and trash. We also had uninvited guests called roaches. So I had developed OCD from that.
I was born bipolar. That is something thatI can never change or get rid of. But the OCD I am learning to cope with. I keep a very very tidy house. May not be spotless but I have 3+ kids here everyday. So I do my best. But When it is lunch time I clean up the living room. Then they go play in the play room and I clean up lunch, unload and then load the dish washer and washer dryer. I then cook dinner, once everyone is bathed and in bed, I begin the cleaning. I mop and sweep, do dishes, fold clothes.. So in the morning it is all clean. I have been unemployed in working outside of my house for so long Im not sure if I could g back to it. It has been 3 years since I have had a job away from my house. Some days I wonder if I am getting to the point I don't want to leave my house.
I don't have a working car right now, only my husband does. I leave the house maybe once a week. And I complain about it until I leave, and then I just want to be home.
I got off subject again.. I so that. Hard to focious on one thing in my head. lol
Thanks for reading.. I hope you keep it up. :)

Sunday, March 17, 2013

It never ends.

So I have been keeping my friend's daughter. She is a sweetheart. I have her part time. Sara works nights, So I get her in the afternoon and keep he until about midnight or over night depending on the situation.
But, My mother took my older kids, and Joshua (the husband) took the baby. So Sara and I could go to a house party for Saint Patrick's day. (I am 22). I knew everyone there, and it was nice to leave the house and go do something small with my friends. The last time I went out of the house was on wednesday to go to child support court.. Which pissed me off.
They dismissed Shannon from going "because he had to work". And never told me a word. I am feed up with child support enforcement because they are not doing their job. The child support order was place in Nov 2012. And not a penny has been paid yet.
I blocked Shannon's phone number about 2 weeks ago and I haven't heard a word from him. Which is good, if he cared so much about "his kids" then don't you think he would call me from a pay phone or something. Yeah sure living in another state is hard, but it was his choice to move so much, I have had nohing to do with it.
Anywho... Tonight is Joshua's video game night with his friends from work. I have Lily tonight.. but I  have mastared cleaning the house and taking care of four kids today. It really isn't that hard. I would like to have another baby, but Mia is only 3 months old, so that will have to wait lol.
I really don't have much to report. lol Except Maci is 2 she will 3 in July. And we are still trying to potty train her. When she came home from my moms house she had pooped up her back.. I mean like right up her back. I had to throw her clothing away. I wasnt about to try and wash it.
We have to start getting things ready for Pass Over soon. I am excited. I love the high holidays. We do Easter too, because I am Jewish and Joshua is not.
Thanks for reading, leave a comment if you have questions lol My life is pretty boring as of yet. I will be on later tonight to update.

Friday, March 15, 2013

                                                            My happily ever after..
 
 
 
These are my girls <3


The beginning of it all..

Hello,
My name is Toni. I guess I should start where it all began.
I grew up in a tiny town in OK. I loved it, everyine knew everyone. All the kids grew up together, and even today we are all still in contact with eachother. I have two best friends who I am in contact with most everyday from home. When I was young I started doing terrible things with my life. I ran all my relationships into the ground with friends, family, boys,ect. There was this thing that was the love of my life, crystal meth. I just couldnt get it off my mind at all. There were so many other things I could have done with my time, I was in band, or in Girl Scouts, I played sports. But I was just trapped in this hole I dug for myself. I couldnt find a way to get out of it or away from it.
Then one day I met a boy. His name was A. He told me one day, "I know what your doing and I don't like it. If you don't stop I wont give you the time of the day.". So of course I did.. Not long after I found out I was pregnant. My whole world changed. My mother and I fought and she kicked me out. I moved around alot with A. I was 3 months pregnant, and I started spotting at work. I was rushed to the E.R. But they found the baby and said everything was fine. I saw my OB at my next visit and she want me to have surgery that day, an abortion. I told her no. If I didn't want my baby I would have done that at the start not now. So I wa 28 weeks and I went to Detroit to visit A's mother for chirstmas. I woke up the next day December 20th 2006 and bleed so much it went through the mattress. I was rushed to the E.R. yet again.. They put me to sleep and I was taken into surgery. The baby had passed away already. My placenta had detached and I was bleeding to death. I was only 16 years old and just had a little girl who had died inside me. I was torn apart. I felt like my heart had died with her. Her name was Aroura Storm C. She was my angel baby. I wasnt able to contact my mother and she went to the police station back home in OK. They filed it as a run away. I was arrested on the 29th of December. I went to a detention center in the area. I was sent home on a plane a week later. A and I slpit up in 2008. We just could not work together. I think he fell out of love with me after that happened. We tried so hard but it just stopped working. After a long time, I moved back in with my mother. In May of 2008 she told me that she was moving to Illinois and if I didn't come with I was going to be homeless. So I moved with her. I met a few people and partied way to hard. I met a boy.. His name was Shannon. He swept me off my feet. We moved in together and drank every night and made bad decisions. Then one day I went to walgreens and got a home pregnancy test. It came up positive. My heart sank. I thought that I was going to die. I couldn't live through that again. When I was 14 I was told I would had a hard time getting pregnant, and if I did, I would be able to carry to term.
I had a complicated relationship with Shannon. He was an abusive drunk. I thought having a child could change him, like it did to me. I didnt want to be around the type of people he hung out with. I wanted the best for my daughter. He could careless. He wanted me to give her up to his drugy mother. But I kept my baby girl, and left him the instand I had a chance. Her name is Madison and she was born April 19 2009. I was 19 years old.
When it was just me and her it was awesome. We lived in assited housing, and I was having a hard time finding a job and providing what I wanted for her. A friend of mine and I decided to move to OK. He wanted to go somewhere new and I wanted to go home. I moved in with my best friend Samantha.
Rob and I started dating, and my birth control failed for the 3rd time. I only made it to 28 weeks with Aroura, and 37weeks with Madison.. How in the world could I make it with this pregnancy. I just started going back to school. Madison was only 6 months old. Nothing was going right. But I knew I was going to do right by my children. I didn't want to turn into my mother, who checked out of life when I was just 12 years old, and my father moved away with my brother.
So things were going .. okay.. and I had an ultrsound to find out the sex of the baby. Another Girl! I was so happy, and she was doing wonderful, growing just fine. Rob decided that we had to move back to IL. That the work there was better. I didn't want to break up what we had going, which looking back wasn't very much at all. So I went with him. We had no place to go, so I stayed with my grandmother and he stayed with his father in another town. This all happened in about a week. He broke up with me a few days later and didn't talk to me after that. He didn't want the baby. Afew months went by and it has been about a year since I hear from Shannon. So I send him an email for some unknown reason. Now I wish I never did that. He came to the hospital and signed Maci-Jo's birth certf. She was born July 1st 2010 at 38 weeks. We tried dating long distance again after that but I found out while I was pregnant with Maci he had gotten a girl pregnant and lied to me about it. All of the children are now close and know eachother. I am good friends with her mother. But we split up because once again I cannot trust a word he says. A long time passed, I started to have friends and a social life once again. My grandmother was very supportive. I enjoyed being a single mother of 2. Even though the men were never involved. I was out one night with my best friend Sara, and I was re-introduced to a man named Joshua. He was handsome and smart. We got eachothers numbers and started txting all night. It wasn't long before we were dating. He needed another roommate, one of his had moved out. So I moved in, we were engaged pretty quickly. We got married June 21st 2011. We are soon going to celebrate being married for 2 years, and being together for 3. Madison and Maci know him as father. One day in March 2011 I was in a lot of pain. I went to the E.R. and they said I had a uti and sent me home. The next morning I got up to go to the bathroom, and I passed out and fell off the toilet onto the tile floor. I had a seizure, and Joshua called 911. I was ruhed into the E.R. again. It took them over 8 hours to find out what was wrong with me. I had a cyst on my ovary, and it had burst. I lost 2 liters of blood by the time I was taken into surgery. I stopped breathing during surgery. But they were able to save me and my ovary. I no longer ovulate from the left side.
In Early 2012 we decide to try and have a baby. It took 4 months to get pregnant. I was happy and scared. Miabella was born after months of bedrest and testing every week, on December 31st 2012. she was full term, 39 weeks and 5 days. :) I was 22 years old.
So Now, Joshua and I live in our own little house with all of our girls.
We are currently about to start the fight of our lives. We are in court for child support, and made the decision to force Shanon's parental rights so Joshua can adopt Madison and Maci-Jo.
I am sure I left a few things out, but This is it, the story of my life in a nut shell. There are thing in between and such but you get the jist. :P
Thank you for reading I hope you keep it up.